Sometimes we find ourselves coasting along with life's currents, letting them pull and push us any way they want. It's so easy to just surrender to those forces, to be on autopilot and let the wind and water guide you where they may. It isn't surrender or even trust, it's more being thoughtless and forgetting that if we aren't conscious of where life takes us, we might end up in the wrong place, or worse yet, we might end up being the wrong kind of person.
I've been so thoughtless. I chose the settings I am comfortable with and switched off my mind, allowing my body to go where it may. But even if you set a boat on a certain course, unless you monitor it, its path can change. My path changed when I wasn't looking. A couple of storms, a few innocent gusts of wind, waves in a certain direction and suddenly I've woken to find myself away from everything I wanted myself to be.
I feel so sad. I know that I can get myself back on the right path, that I can ride the currents and not let them master me anymore. But I am still sad. I mourn all that wasted time. I mourn all those thoughtless twists and turns. I mourn all those wasted opportunities. But alas, nothing can be done to fix the past, and so I must accept it and move on.
I want to be a good person. I want to make a conscious choice every single day to better myself. I want to look back on the person I was yesterday and be able to say today I'm a better person. I want to be able to do that every single day of my life, and I want the person that one day goes under the sand to be a million times better than the person I am today. I want to collect good deeds, and I want to look at myself and think that I am a good person, and I want God to think that too.
It isn't easy to wake up and realize that you don't think you're a good person. It doesn't mean you're bad, it just means you aren't actively trying to be good. It means you aren't making an effort. It means you've been thoughtless. I wish I hadn't been thoughtless for this long. I wish I'd woken up sooner. I wish I was a better person today, but the truth is, I was a better person yesterday.
I've been so thoughtless. I chose the settings I am comfortable with and switched off my mind, allowing my body to go where it may. But even if you set a boat on a certain course, unless you monitor it, its path can change. My path changed when I wasn't looking. A couple of storms, a few innocent gusts of wind, waves in a certain direction and suddenly I've woken to find myself away from everything I wanted myself to be.
I feel so sad. I know that I can get myself back on the right path, that I can ride the currents and not let them master me anymore. But I am still sad. I mourn all that wasted time. I mourn all those thoughtless twists and turns. I mourn all those wasted opportunities. But alas, nothing can be done to fix the past, and so I must accept it and move on.
I want to be a good person. I want to make a conscious choice every single day to better myself. I want to look back on the person I was yesterday and be able to say today I'm a better person. I want to be able to do that every single day of my life, and I want the person that one day goes under the sand to be a million times better than the person I am today. I want to collect good deeds, and I want to look at myself and think that I am a good person, and I want God to think that too.
It isn't easy to wake up and realize that you don't think you're a good person. It doesn't mean you're bad, it just means you aren't actively trying to be good. It means you aren't making an effort. It means you've been thoughtless. I wish I hadn't been thoughtless for this long. I wish I'd woken up sooner. I wish I was a better person today, but the truth is, I was a better person yesterday.
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