Let's Be At Peace

Let's be at peace, let's forget the world, forget reality and forget everything. Let's sit on the shore and do little else. Let's watch the waves crashing against the sand and see nothing more. Let's hear the sound of the ocean and ignore what our brains have to say. Let's smile over nature's beauty, let's breathe in the fresh air and let's forget all the reasons we're crying, and all the reasons we can't breathe.

Let's sink in the salty water and feel it cleanse our skins, let's pretend the water can go into our souls and wash them anew. Let's float on the waves and feel the pull of the ocean, and let's forget all those other strings that hold us caged. Let's bask in the glow of the sun and let its warmth fill us scalp to soles and let's forget the bone chilling cold that never quite leaves.

Let's pretend the world has been reduced to the ocean, the sun and the wind. Let's pretend there's no more to our lives than this imaginary moment, and let's hold on to it with all our might. Let's say goodbye and let's just go live on the shore. Let's be at peace, let's forget the world, forget reality and forget everything. 

I Fade Away

I wake with a start. A nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me that I shouldn't have been sleeping. I stand too quickly, my eyes flickering madly around, trying to see everything around me all at once.

Fear courses through my veins, icy cold and razor sharp. I try to scream but no sound leaves my throat. Tears start spilling from my eyes. The panic reaches my legs and I start running. Fear and hurt spur me on, pushing me at an unbelievable pace as I try to find a way out.

My vision is blurry with tears, and I convince myself that they're the reason for what I see. It can't be true. It can't be real. I blink a million times and my eyes are finally clear of the salty water. The world remains the same. It's impossible, and yet it's true.

I am in the middle of nothing. Like a nightmare, except that it's reality. I can see for miles and miles ahead but the world has been reduced to nothing. There isn't anything in sight, just a pure, painful white light. The light chokes me and I try to scream again. Nothing.

I keep running, hoping to see anything other than nothing, but there isn't anything to be seen. More tears drop from my eyes, and I watch as they disappear as soon as they hit the emptiness. The world was erasing any trace that I could have left. As though I was a part of the nothingness. As though I didn't exist.

I push my legs to run faster. I desperately try to stifle the panic that is flooding my mind. I search around me for something to ease the tightness in my chest. I get more desperate by the minute. My run is wild and uncoordinated. My breathing is ragged and half choked. I trip on my own feet and I fall.

Falling feels surreal -surely gravity would pull me faster than this? But it doesn't and I keep falling, painfully slow. I wait an endless wait for me to hit the ground. More fear and pain explode in my chest. I fear being lost, I hurt at being alone.

I continue falling, unable to scream, my tears falling faster than I am. They touch the bottom of the empty whiteness and disappear before my eyes. I know I am close to the bottom, and I am shocked to find myself able to scream. As soon as that first wave of sound escapes my lips, my body and my voice are swallowed up by the empty light.

I fade away.

2010

Walk a Mile in my Shoes

Walk a mile in my shoes. Go ahead, take them, try them for fit. They're not quite right? It's ok, they don't fit me that well either, but I still wear them, I still walk in them. Are you afraid to take that first step? I understand. It's scary. But you have to take it. You can't stand here forever.

Walk a mile in my shoes. Go ahead, walk and I'll walk with you, I'll measure the distance and I'll count the steps. You're getting tired? It's ok, I get tired as well, but I keep walking anyway. Are you afraid of getting hurt? I understand. It's frightening. But you have to face it. You can't shy away from it forever.

Walk a mile in my shoes. Go ahead, walk until the mile ends, see what it's like to be me. You're starting to lose it? It's ok, I think I'm losing it too, but I still keep going, I still keep walking. Are you afraid you won't make it? I understand. It's terrifying. But you have to see it through. You won't find out unless you try.

Walk a mile in my shoes. Go ahead, tell me what it was like, tell me how you feel. You're falling apart? You're in pain? It's hard? It's ok, I feel that way too, at least you only had to do a mile, I have to keep walking in them. Are you afraid for me? I understand. It's petrifying. I'm afraid too. But I have to live with it. I can't just stand in the same place forever. I have to keep walking miles and miles in these shoes.