Trying to explain how being asocial works to the social is like trying to describe colors to the blind. See, to them talking to people and socializing comes naturally as breathing. To them asocial means shy, self-conscious and lacking in confidence. Explaining what it's truly like to be asocial is like trying to bridge two worlds with nothing but words. But let me try anyway, let me give it a shot.
I am asocial. I am not shy in the least, and there isn't a self-conscious bone in my body. Anyone that has seen me truly speak can tell that I am confident and perfectly comfortable in my own skin. What marks me as asocial? What makes me brand myself this way? I am incapable of initiating casual conversations, of conducting small talk and of achieving any human form of passing greeting. In theory, I know what small talk is like, but in practice my brain blanks out and I realize the futility of exchanging simple pleasantries. I have no need, and no speck of desire to engage strangers in meaningless chatter.
My conversations are the exact opposite of small talk. I don't look to make friends, or to get to know people unless they truly interest me. I don't fake enthusiasm, and I am only ever enthusiastic for worldly discussions. Passing by individuals I feel no need to utter a single word. I enjoy silence and the company of the inside of my head more than any random chit chat. Socializing utilizes active expenditure of my energy, wherein I spend a huge mental effort trying to maintain a conversation I have no desire in maintaining and finding words to string together and utter in a form similar to social humans'.
My brain draws arbitrary conclusions regarding which people I find comfortable and can loosen the knot of "closing in on myself" around. For reasons that are beyond my knowing I find myself able to have a menial conversation with specific persons with relative ease. And when I say relative ease I mean instead of using the mental energy equivalent of lifting a load equal to my body weight, it's more like I am lifting a quarter of my body weight. For those same unidentifiable reasons, I find myself incapable of finding a single word in my full-to-the-brim mind to say to a select few.
I hope this draws an image that my social friends can understand. I understand what it's like to be you; I see the ease with which you talk to complete strangers and how fast you make new friends. I watch you talk to someone you just met the same way you talk to your best friends, and I see your jokes and the laughter that bubbles easily out of your lips. I know these are all effortless to you -as effortless as staying quiet, alone and separate is to me. Forcing you to hold your tongue around people would be ten times easier than forcing me to socialize. I hope that gives you something to think about the next time you blame me for being me.
I am asocial. I am not shy in the least, and there isn't a self-conscious bone in my body. Anyone that has seen me truly speak can tell that I am confident and perfectly comfortable in my own skin. What marks me as asocial? What makes me brand myself this way? I am incapable of initiating casual conversations, of conducting small talk and of achieving any human form of passing greeting. In theory, I know what small talk is like, but in practice my brain blanks out and I realize the futility of exchanging simple pleasantries. I have no need, and no speck of desire to engage strangers in meaningless chatter.
My conversations are the exact opposite of small talk. I don't look to make friends, or to get to know people unless they truly interest me. I don't fake enthusiasm, and I am only ever enthusiastic for worldly discussions. Passing by individuals I feel no need to utter a single word. I enjoy silence and the company of the inside of my head more than any random chit chat. Socializing utilizes active expenditure of my energy, wherein I spend a huge mental effort trying to maintain a conversation I have no desire in maintaining and finding words to string together and utter in a form similar to social humans'.
My brain draws arbitrary conclusions regarding which people I find comfortable and can loosen the knot of "closing in on myself" around. For reasons that are beyond my knowing I find myself able to have a menial conversation with specific persons with relative ease. And when I say relative ease I mean instead of using the mental energy equivalent of lifting a load equal to my body weight, it's more like I am lifting a quarter of my body weight. For those same unidentifiable reasons, I find myself incapable of finding a single word in my full-to-the-brim mind to say to a select few.
I hope this draws an image that my social friends can understand. I understand what it's like to be you; I see the ease with which you talk to complete strangers and how fast you make new friends. I watch you talk to someone you just met the same way you talk to your best friends, and I see your jokes and the laughter that bubbles easily out of your lips. I know these are all effortless to you -as effortless as staying quiet, alone and separate is to me. Forcing you to hold your tongue around people would be ten times easier than forcing me to socialize. I hope that gives you something to think about the next time you blame me for being me.
