I feel inadequate. I feel like my life, who I am, everything that I love about myself is wasting away instead of being put to use. I feel a strong urge, no, a need, a primal basic need to become something of importance, to leave an imprint in this world, to influence change, to be heard, to be somebody.
I feel frustrated and mad and sad that I am stuck where I am, shackled to this point in time and space and life. I feel.. I feel nostalgic for something I never had, and for half-forgotten dreams that loom broken in my subconscious waiting for something, but what? I don't know.
I feel like I am missing out on my own destiny. Like every cell in my body knows that I am meant to have a voice that ripples through this world, that I was made for a greater purpose, that I was created to make a difference but I am not and my body, my cells, my very soul ache for that destiny.
I feel impatient for this plateau to pass and for me to reach those heights I am meant to reach. I feel smothered by myself, like a part of me is holding the rest of me back and I don't know how to let go and break free -I don't know how to fly even though I was born with wings.
I feel that and so much more, and it is always triggered by stories of great people and inspiring events. Like being in close proximity to such things gives my soul a brief flash, a tiny reminder that this is what you were created for. And in return my soul writhes and twists, agonizing over being hidden away from our destiny. But that is ok, it's ok to pine after greatness. If what you see doesn't affect you in any way then are you truly living? If being in the presence of greatness doesn't make your mind itch for change then are you truly ever present?
I wish so much that I could find it in me to get unstuck. I wish I had the creativity, the genius to move along and start living my fate. I wish I could fast forward to that future I miss so much, and my nostalgic soul could finally rest knowing I am doing what I was meant to do, I am who I was always meant to be. I wish so many things but all I can do is wait, bide my time and find it in me to trust that this rut is where I need to be right now, so that tomorrow I can be where my soul needs to be.
The dull ache of all those heavy feelings and desperate wishes is and will always be a part of who I am, burning through me like a gentle, constant reminder that this lost, shackled and voiceless girl will grow up and leave her mark.
2013
I feel frustrated and mad and sad that I am stuck where I am, shackled to this point in time and space and life. I feel.. I feel nostalgic for something I never had, and for half-forgotten dreams that loom broken in my subconscious waiting for something, but what? I don't know.
I feel like I am missing out on my own destiny. Like every cell in my body knows that I am meant to have a voice that ripples through this world, that I was made for a greater purpose, that I was created to make a difference but I am not and my body, my cells, my very soul ache for that destiny.
I feel impatient for this plateau to pass and for me to reach those heights I am meant to reach. I feel smothered by myself, like a part of me is holding the rest of me back and I don't know how to let go and break free -I don't know how to fly even though I was born with wings.
I feel that and so much more, and it is always triggered by stories of great people and inspiring events. Like being in close proximity to such things gives my soul a brief flash, a tiny reminder that this is what you were created for. And in return my soul writhes and twists, agonizing over being hidden away from our destiny. But that is ok, it's ok to pine after greatness. If what you see doesn't affect you in any way then are you truly living? If being in the presence of greatness doesn't make your mind itch for change then are you truly ever present?
I wish so much that I could find it in me to get unstuck. I wish I had the creativity, the genius to move along and start living my fate. I wish I could fast forward to that future I miss so much, and my nostalgic soul could finally rest knowing I am doing what I was meant to do, I am who I was always meant to be. I wish so many things but all I can do is wait, bide my time and find it in me to trust that this rut is where I need to be right now, so that tomorrow I can be where my soul needs to be.
The dull ache of all those heavy feelings and desperate wishes is and will always be a part of who I am, burning through me like a gentle, constant reminder that this lost, shackled and voiceless girl will grow up and leave her mark.
2013
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