Words crowd my mind, an endless ocean of words floating around trying to find an outlet, trying to find somewhere to rest. The need to write is like a primal instinct stemming from the marrow of my bones, breaking through my genetic makeup, making its way through my cells, desperately trying to empty my mind of all those words.
So many words.
Everything inside me slowly rises to a boil, words and a basic need mingling and creating a new substance, a nameless hue of emotions that explodes just underneath the surface of my skin. The explosion collects at my throat, constricting the airway, choking me on its way out.
My words will escape.
My fingers are poised and ready, waiting for the dam to break and for all those words to pour out of my soul. I wait for them, shaking, anxious for the flood. More of the explosion gathers at my neck, I can taste it on the back of my tongue, I can feel it clawing its way out of me. I feel my words nearing, the wait lengthens but no words come out.
My words are stuck.
Hundreds and hundreds of words, that nameless color of feeling, they all gather in my throat but the road is blocked. It's too much for me, I gag and try to force them out of my airway but they are welded in place and refuse to move. I scratch at my throat, tears gather in my eyes, I cannot breathe, I cannot speak, I cannot cry. I am stuck, I am choking and my whole body is shuddering -an earthquake trying to dislodge the rocks.
I choke on my words.
I claw at my neck, fingers scoring the skin and trying to dig the words out. Gag, scratch, shudder, shake but the words are fused and they don't break. Tears wash my eyes, refusing to fall, hands fall to my sides, refusing to try, legs collapse, refusing to fight. I swallow hard.
My words pass down.
My stomach clenches, holding the storm within, clearing my airway just enough to let me barely live. Words keep boiling inside me, the need to write battles the bars of its new prison, I am still choking and yet somehow I can breathe. I am stuck, breathing air that is nowhere near enough, explosion after explosion barely contained within my flesh, emotions I can't name nor can I understand boiling under my skin and all I can say, all that comes out is a burning question -how do I let my words out?
How, indeed?
December 11, 2013
So many words.
Everything inside me slowly rises to a boil, words and a basic need mingling and creating a new substance, a nameless hue of emotions that explodes just underneath the surface of my skin. The explosion collects at my throat, constricting the airway, choking me on its way out.
My words will escape.
My fingers are poised and ready, waiting for the dam to break and for all those words to pour out of my soul. I wait for them, shaking, anxious for the flood. More of the explosion gathers at my neck, I can taste it on the back of my tongue, I can feel it clawing its way out of me. I feel my words nearing, the wait lengthens but no words come out.
My words are stuck.
Hundreds and hundreds of words, that nameless color of feeling, they all gather in my throat but the road is blocked. It's too much for me, I gag and try to force them out of my airway but they are welded in place and refuse to move. I scratch at my throat, tears gather in my eyes, I cannot breathe, I cannot speak, I cannot cry. I am stuck, I am choking and my whole body is shuddering -an earthquake trying to dislodge the rocks.
I choke on my words.
I claw at my neck, fingers scoring the skin and trying to dig the words out. Gag, scratch, shudder, shake but the words are fused and they don't break. Tears wash my eyes, refusing to fall, hands fall to my sides, refusing to try, legs collapse, refusing to fight. I swallow hard.
My words pass down.
My stomach clenches, holding the storm within, clearing my airway just enough to let me barely live. Words keep boiling inside me, the need to write battles the bars of its new prison, I am still choking and yet somehow I can breathe. I am stuck, breathing air that is nowhere near enough, explosion after explosion barely contained within my flesh, emotions I can't name nor can I understand boiling under my skin and all I can say, all that comes out is a burning question -how do I let my words out?
How, indeed?
December 11, 2013
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