Friday, January 24, 2014

I Fade Away

I wake with a start. A nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me that I shouldn't have been sleeping. I stand too quickly, my eyes flickering madly around, trying to see everything around me all at once.

Fear courses through my veins, icy cold and razor sharp. I try to scream but no sound leaves my throat. Tears start spilling from my eyes. The panic reaches my legs and I start running. Fear and hurt spur me on, pushing me at an unbelievable pace as I try to find a way out.

My vision is blurry with tears, and I convince myself that they're the reason for what I see. It can't be true. It can't be real. I blink a million times and my eyes are finally clear of the salty water. The world remains the same. It's impossible, and yet it's true.

I am in the middle of nothing. Like a nightmare, except that it's reality. I can see for miles and miles ahead but the world has been reduced to nothing. There isn't anything in sight, just a pure, painful white light. The light chokes me and I try to scream again. Nothing.

I keep running, hoping to see anything other than nothing, but there isn't anything to be seen. More tears drop from my eyes, and I watch as they disappear as soon as they hit the emptiness. The world was erasing any trace that I could have left. As though I was a part of the nothingness. As though I didn't exist.

I push my legs to run faster. I desperately try to stifle the panic that is flooding my mind. I search around me for something to ease the tightness in my chest. I get more desperate by the minute. My run is wild and uncoordinated. My breathing is ragged and half choked. I trip on my own feet and I fall.

Falling feels surreal -surely gravity would pull me faster than this? But it doesn't and I keep falling, painfully slow. I wait an endless wait for me to hit the ground. More fear and pain explode in my chest. I fear being lost, I hurt at being alone.

I continue falling, unable to scream, my tears falling faster than I am. They touch the bottom of the empty whiteness and disappear before my eyes. I know I am close to the bottom, and I am shocked to find myself able to scream. As soon as that first wave of sound escapes my lips, my body and my voice are swallowed up by the empty light.

I fade away.

2010

No comments:

Post a Comment