November 12, 2015
If there is one thing I've learned in the past few years it's that sometimes we have no control. Sometimes no matter how hard you work, how much you try, how often you pray and will something into being it doesn't work out. That's just the way of the world. It spins even if you want it to stop. Life does things you don't want, and takes things you do.
We can't always have what we want or what makes us happy. I know as much, I've always known as much. But I've only recently realized that I am foolish, and that I let myself love so deeply that I dared want what I knew I wouldn't be allowed to have. I fell for peace of mind and comfort. I fell for having a purpose. I fell for things I haven't had in years. I fell for learning, and I fell for a home away from my real home.
But what does the world care? I am getting ripped from them anyway. I have to keep saying goodbye -but you know what? The fact that I keep saying goodbye just means that I keep coming back. Maybe not coming to stay, but I still manage to get a dose of my home, however minute it might be.
So for now let me attempt to divert my mind from the pessimistic and redirect it to the optimistic. I am blessed. I am lucky far beyond many out there. I have two homes, and that is something no distance or time apart can ever shake or change. Where people are homeless, I am overcrowded with homes and I have somewhere to run to when I feel suffocated. I have two families, one that I was blessed with when I was born and one that I found all on my own and joined their blood to my veins. I have two sets of people that make me feel like I belong, and I have such abundant amounts of love filling my life that sometimes it feels too much.
I lived a good life. I lost a lot, but I've gained so much. I am living a good life. I am blessed with things that I can't lose. Somethings are under my control, and seeing the dark through light is a choice I will make right now. I am full of love, I am loved, and I have things that make all the bad I go through bearable. I have things to miss, I am so lucky that I am crying because I'm leaving one home to go to another.
I am blessed beyond belief. I love you, my home, until we meet again.
If there is one thing I've learned in the past few years it's that sometimes we have no control. Sometimes no matter how hard you work, how much you try, how often you pray and will something into being it doesn't work out. That's just the way of the world. It spins even if you want it to stop. Life does things you don't want, and takes things you do.
We can't always have what we want or what makes us happy. I know as much, I've always known as much. But I've only recently realized that I am foolish, and that I let myself love so deeply that I dared want what I knew I wouldn't be allowed to have. I fell for peace of mind and comfort. I fell for having a purpose. I fell for things I haven't had in years. I fell for learning, and I fell for a home away from my real home.
But what does the world care? I am getting ripped from them anyway. I have to keep saying goodbye -but you know what? The fact that I keep saying goodbye just means that I keep coming back. Maybe not coming to stay, but I still manage to get a dose of my home, however minute it might be.
So for now let me attempt to divert my mind from the pessimistic and redirect it to the optimistic. I am blessed. I am lucky far beyond many out there. I have two homes, and that is something no distance or time apart can ever shake or change. Where people are homeless, I am overcrowded with homes and I have somewhere to run to when I feel suffocated. I have two families, one that I was blessed with when I was born and one that I found all on my own and joined their blood to my veins. I have two sets of people that make me feel like I belong, and I have such abundant amounts of love filling my life that sometimes it feels too much.
I lived a good life. I lost a lot, but I've gained so much. I am living a good life. I am blessed with things that I can't lose. Somethings are under my control, and seeing the dark through light is a choice I will make right now. I am full of love, I am loved, and I have things that make all the bad I go through bearable. I have things to miss, I am so lucky that I am crying because I'm leaving one home to go to another.
I am blessed beyond belief. I love you, my home, until we meet again.
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