Empathy & Disdain

I used to be empathetic. That was one of my best qualities. I could put myself in other people's shoes as easily as I could breathe. But somewhere along the line my shell hardened, and my empathy turned into sympathy, from there to compassion, on to indifference until it finally became contempt and disdain. I used to appreciate everyone's struggles, be they big or small. But something has changed.

I am jaded. My once sensitive insides have grown hard and unfeeling. Life hacked away at me, and in my fighting back I ended up losing pieces of myself. My war was so terrible everything else began to pale in comparison. My battles were so deadly everything else began to seem trivial. I was so hurt and so busy in my own huge war that I forgot that the struggle is real no matter how small the fight.

I don't like what I've become. I don't appreciate losing what I once deemed my best quality. A change is necessary. Back when I was full of empathy, I used to imagine myself as another person and write from their perspective. Like an exercise of sorts, to see if I could get the feeling right, if I could truly feel what they feel as I put it on paper. That is my challenge -to immerse myself in others' feelings, until my empathy returns and I am once again who I used to be.

And so it begins.