The pieces I write are always dark and twisted. There's always some form of misery, sadness, despair, weakness and fear. It's strange. It's the best I know how to write. And yet in real life I'm the complete opposite. I don't know how to wallow in the negative, I live and breathe positives and I'm generally a genuinely happy and hopeful person.
The contradiction is intriguing. I wish I had the wit to understand it for all it means. As much as I can understand people, I can't understand myself. I'm a walking bundle of contradictions that confuses even me sometimes. I have rules that make no sense that I can put into easy words, and yet I am convinced of their rightness.
I guess the reason I don't understand a lot of things about myself is that I don't bother to question them too much. Some things I just accept, embrace and welcome. I mean, I trust my brain. It might not always share its reasoning with me, but the times it does it makes sense, and so I trust that it has reasons and they're good.
If I don't feel comfortable around a certain person specifically then I accept that some part of my brain picked something up that made it uncomfortable. If I don't trust someone even after they've proven themselves to me, I trust that my brain has a damn good reason.
I trust my mind, and I trust that there are some deep rooted reasons for all my contradictions. I don't questions my quirks, I don't question my oddities, I don't question the convoluted way my rules work, I don't question those weird feelings and instincts that make no sense. Because they are a part of me and I love them, and when you love something you accept it, and you work with it, and you trust it.
I love that silent part of me that controls more of my life than the conscious part of me does, I love it with all I've got. And so I'll accept the contradictions it rears up. I'll keep writing my sad, dark pieces and I'll keep living my happy, sunny life. Maybe the reason I'm happy is that my writings aren't. Maybe the reason I'm positive is that my writings are negative. I don't know. But it is what it is. And I love it.
The contradiction is intriguing. I wish I had the wit to understand it for all it means. As much as I can understand people, I can't understand myself. I'm a walking bundle of contradictions that confuses even me sometimes. I have rules that make no sense that I can put into easy words, and yet I am convinced of their rightness.
I guess the reason I don't understand a lot of things about myself is that I don't bother to question them too much. Some things I just accept, embrace and welcome. I mean, I trust my brain. It might not always share its reasoning with me, but the times it does it makes sense, and so I trust that it has reasons and they're good.
If I don't feel comfortable around a certain person specifically then I accept that some part of my brain picked something up that made it uncomfortable. If I don't trust someone even after they've proven themselves to me, I trust that my brain has a damn good reason.
I trust my mind, and I trust that there are some deep rooted reasons for all my contradictions. I don't questions my quirks, I don't question my oddities, I don't question the convoluted way my rules work, I don't question those weird feelings and instincts that make no sense. Because they are a part of me and I love them, and when you love something you accept it, and you work with it, and you trust it.
I love that silent part of me that controls more of my life than the conscious part of me does, I love it with all I've got. And so I'll accept the contradictions it rears up. I'll keep writing my sad, dark pieces and I'll keep living my happy, sunny life. Maybe the reason I'm happy is that my writings aren't. Maybe the reason I'm positive is that my writings are negative. I don't know. But it is what it is. And I love it.
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